guilt and shame and chocolate and swear words

Happy Halloween !

So this week has been a melange of painful activities cleverly disguised as cultural immersion. Although somehow I feel like I could have gotten the crap beat out of me in basketball in the US too. For the first time, I went to play some intramural basketball earlier this week. Tuesday was fine – all girls, quality, but no one in phenomenal shape. There also wasn’t much of a language barrier since “shoot” has been pretty solidified into the French language. Although, the man who runs it told me I should come back the next day to play with the “mixte” (boys and girls). Having given a significant portion of my life to playing and watching basketball – I should have known that returning was a very poor decision. The first guy who showed up was a solid 6’6. The gym echoed with the sounds of dunking all night. Everyone else had fairly equal advantage. But they were all very nice. I also found that I will be able to judge the progress of my language when my sports and reactive exclamations (read: swear words) are no longer in English.

Speaking of vulgar words, the other day we went “adolescent with a horrible vocabulary” fishing in Place de la Liberte. We chose well. Six young men between the ages of 16 and 18. Needless to say, they were a little suspicious at our request but, together, they rose to the occasion quite beautifully. They started out a little weak. They offered “con”, which is basically idiot or jerk. We had to give them a little nudge as in “wow. We know you know something worse than that.” By the end we had quite a list accompanied by lots of “wait, are you sure you want this one?? This one is really bad.” Lay it on me. Just cut down a significant gap of vocabulary. They bus is a whole new world…

Unfortunately, I was not able to utilise my new wealth of knowledge for the interview that I did for the campus radio on how it is living in Dijon/France as a foreign student. I think it went pretty well, I didn’t sound too stupid, but it’s going to be aired Monday. Don’t know if I want to hear it. For those of the braver sort, yesterday, the tv channel France 3 came to the CIEF to interview Americans about the upcoming elections. I sat that one out. Liz did it and she indicated to me outside so the news people would ask me but Janine, a friendly (and very tall) German, was kind enough to hide me. We are having awesome luck with Germans in this country.

In other news, I recently managed to carve out my place in chocolate hell. See as follows: Last night we got talking about chocolate at the dinner table because there is this chocolatier in the center of town that is, apparently, epic. I just asked her if it was as good as everyone says (which in retrospect was silly since Liz bought something there a few weeks ago that was laced with gold). Mireille said “yes” and I asked her if she was a big chocolate fan and had preferences. She said she liked more of the milk chocolate variety. It had just so happened that my mother had sent me a little Halloween care package with Hershey’s chocolate. I gave Mireille a piece saying that a lot of people feel strongly about it not being good chocolate etc etc. For the record I did not give any indication that this was especially quality chocolate!! So a little while later when she offered me some chocolate from this chocolatier… I could not accept it in good faith and justice but I could not explain to her that the two were not equal!! I had only given it to her because she indicated that she and I shared similar taste in chocolate! I know that a lot of people knock hersheys but it’s not my fault that I like my chocolate like I like the depiction of women in American history: weak and second class.

The guy in front of me in wearing a Yankees hat. What the hell.

166 things that can't be captured in photos.

Salut tous,

It was an excursion weekend CIEF style with a Euro-tastic 1/20 prof student ratio. Destination: Strasbourg. (5 hours by bus) but luckily we made some pit stops on the way there in Colmar and another town whose name is a 14 letter bastardization of lots of Germanic and Romance languages.
Saturday: highlights began early and often. Up at 5 for the bus at 6. Before I got on the bus, I made some friends who were stumbling home from the night prior. Nice boys. Probably won’t be best friends forever.

11:00am. First pit stop in a small town called Colmar. It’s was Bartholdi’s hangout at some point so there are odes to the Statue of liberty rivaling only those within a 15 mile radius of the real thing. The museum held some pretty amusing rejects. There were a couple of sighs of relief from the resident Americans (“whoa, thank goodness that didn’t make the cut”).
That was followed by a brief trip to Little Venice. First consumption of pretzels went down and there was a brief crisis in deciding between eating crepes and fresh apples. Further investigation led to crepes with apple sauce inside. Crisis averted.
Also stumbled across an ode to the Confederacy – that would be our former confederacy. Not really sure who is the key demographic for their banner’s reading “American by birth. Southern by the Grace of God”…

Having purged us of a fraction of our ADHD, Sebastiano (prof chaperone. Singular.) gathered us back onto the bus.

1:30pm. Arrived in Riquewihr. The poor souls got cursed with the title of “most charming village in France.” Thus, the size of the village was equaled only by the size of the parking lot for tourist buses. As cynical as I am about tourism, wine country is real pretty.
We were there for an hour or so and had time to circle the place about 4385 times. Although, what I found most amusing, was the parking lot. Seriously. “Massive” doesn’t really express the size of these buses. After a raucous and chaotic corralling – we were off again.

5:00pm. Strasbourg. Arrived at the hotel which was shockingly American and spatious, not to mention trustworthy. Windows the open? Kassie, I’m scared.
We had time to breath and then we set off so that Sebastiano could at least lead us into the center of town. HOLY TOURISM! Kassie and I had agreed to check our touristic insecurities (read: traveling in groups of 20 students, 6 nationalities, and 40 cameras) but it was hard.
As soon as Sebastiano was done giving us a brief rundown of something to which we were partially listening, we fled. But oh. My. Goodness. MOST AMAZING CATHERDRAL I HAVE EVER SEEN!!
I rarely stop and backtrack to collect my jaw off the ground. But Wow. Wow, man.
After recollecting the use of crucial body functions, we briefly tried to capture it in photos. That was silly. In my opinion, at least the outside, put Notre Dame de Paris to shame. Although, as stain glass goes, Paris still takes the cake (the baguette?).

As all other attractions fell horribly short after that, we parked it by the biggest keg known to mankind, in order to decide the following actions. Arguably poor idea since this random guy came up to us. I’m all about hanging with the locals but “awkward” is universal. Buddy, there is no way you are on your way to meet your friends at the bar. We just know these things. Although he tended to sing whenever there was an awkward silence, a practice that I generally support.
Although I believe as he approached we were howling from laughter so I would have wanted in on that too. It was sleep deprived hilarity – something about if we didn’t have anything to do thank goodness we could go back to the 24 hour bar at the hotel to get this epic looking chocolate mousse. Only to remember that the time went back that day so there were 25 hours that day. Dude. Worst luck ever.
At amazing regional food, although flat bread by any other name is really still flat bread. But delightful all the same. Went for a drink. Stumbled (in fatigue) back to the hotel and promptly passed out.

Sunday.
Can’t really give a time mark on this since there was a little confusion. Having new Europhones, we weren’t sure if they were going to change. Also, I didn’t know if my $5 watch had it in it so I turned it back before I went to bed. Between my phone not changing and my watch changing (I owe it an apology), we stepped out into a very dark, quiet hall at a (surprise! not) 8:30. We were a little suspicious when we got down to the dining room and the average age was definitely not us. A pretty solid indication that it’s early. Curses.
Many cups of coffee later, we were again herded back to the bus trying to make it to a boat ride down the river through Strasbourg. We were later. Shocking. And got the next one.
One perk was the common language communication between me and this completely technologically illiterate German woman as I tried to help her with her headphones for the commentary on the ride. Although after a while it became clear that there was not enough language in this world to make that woman understand changing the stations.

An hour later, and lots of gory details about hurling people, minus necessary body parts, off big things, we were given free reign of Strasbourg until we were to head off in a few hours. Lots of walking, a few enormous, and unprecedentedly large sausage product ensued.

Although, all in all, with "singing forbidden in public" I feel like it's just not the place for me.

Have to keep looking.

"pardonnez-moi - I'd like to say 'your mother is a dirty whore’’

Today had to talk computers and electronics in French to about 48953 different people. Finally have what I need. The guy who works in the computer lab is my hero for life.
The events have determined that my first tat is swiftly approaching and will go on my forehead. It’s going to say “I’m not eloquent in English either.”
After that, we went to the CIEF welcome social where they force regional specialties on you. Wine. Bread and wine. Cheese and Wine. Cheese on/in/through/under/[prepositions galore] bread and wine.

Tomorrow’s adventure is this -
That excerpt I have to write for written expression [reference last entry] which must be as vulgar as possible is going to be solved by the following: Kassie, Madeline (new friend, Canadian, good times), and myself are going to go park surfing and awkwardly, yet smoothly, sidle up to unsuspecting groups of adolescents who look like they have an inappropriate vocabulary.
Have to admit that the prospects seem to be altogether exciting.

Bon soir

zut, a long way from my bed.

Well, hello there, you, right now I’m going, to use extraneous, expendable, and superfluous, commas because we just had grammar where, we learned how to, use them, correctly. This is subconsciously saying “wow, you are really awful at this.”

In other news, went to Paris again with Kassie two weeks ago now. (Was that sentence supposed to have any commas?? I’m a nervous wreck.) It was a long time ago so can’t really remember what happened. But we did fractionally less touristy stuff including Montmartre, Place Pigalle (the Moulin Rouge i.e. real, real red light district.) and then we metro-ed off to the Latin Quarter without real goals. But it was all delightful all the same. We spoke French most of the day. We started slipping at one point but got a little shot of motivation that requires a special shout out to that colossality of a group of Southern touristers whose accents could have come from no location north of Mobile. Maybe Birmingham. Maybe.

Another long day but worth it. (I know there’s supposed to be a comma in there somewhere. Efffff)

In other news, Version (translating from English to French) is still hard. I’ve been scared all these weeks that people are going to think I’m really stupid when the truth is that, in a fight, my vocabulary could get seriously mauled by theirs. However, the other week, the teacher asked me to read the excerpt out loud. Money. So that motivated me a little more to participate in class except the typical response thus far has been along the lines of “well your words are ok but everything else is incomprehensible.” I guess that’s an exaggeration but you get the point.

Although I do have to find a homework buddy in that class since one of my current assignments is to write this simple excerpt in the most vulgar style I can muster. My currently lacklustre vocab isn’t going to make much out of that. Maybe if I can read it in a senior citizens’ home I can just run around yelling “merde!” and “zut!”

Last night I went to SUAPS for the first time which is the uni sports programs. I tried to go to basketball but for some inexplicable reason it was cancelled.

Although, mini mildly good story; I was standing outside in the dark in the rain with this other girl while waiting and we started talking and her accent was a little not French and it’s pretty evident that mine is not either and so we awkwardly eyed each other and finally she said “you’re not French” to which I replied “you’re not either;” We both gave a sigh of relief and she said “oh thank goodness, I’ve been wanting to ask but if you were that would have been so embarrassing.” She’s German and later when other girls came and could tell right off they asked us where we were from and she said right away, I just sort of nodded. I found that it’s much faster than saying and then trying to describe where Maine is and finally just settling on “yes, close to New York.” At least that’s better than San Diego “mm, no not really near California”

Instead, I ended up going to Yoga. It was good but just too gosh darn late to be that relaxed that far from one’s bed.

This weekend there is an outing to Strasbourg (Frenchgermanland). I can already taste the pretzels.

Also, although this can’t possibly compare to my hurtling through mid air story [see last entry], today I stood up from a table underestimating the complete unconsciousness of my left foot. Thank goodness there was a bookshelf. And thank goodness this bookshelf was against a wall.

Let your imaginations run like the wind.

People say stuff in America is big, but this afternoon I have to return to this epic Home Depot on uber ‘roids called Leroy Merlin’s to return a converter that died 16 hours following purchase. Kassie’s did the same. I don’t trust it. Although it is the €15 standing in between all my plug-in appliances here and a firey ball of death so it sounds like a reasonable dedication of time.

Happy Wednesday.

Upon which Mary discovers her ego is tougher than her knees

hello lovlies,
it's been so long.
in the computer lab again/still. computer diagnosis: bit the big one. but the hard drive is salvageable so thank goodnessss. large official package in the mail pending. it should be arriving with the other requests of my lovely, appeasing mother: sweaters. our class rooms are a small fairly inconsiquential step away from being straight up outside. sorry our friend julie from new mexico. but you're starting college at Colby in the middle of January. Others would be so lucky to have this training.

Highlights, neutral lights and lowlights as follow:

Last Friday - we got the results from our tests back on Friday morning after a long strenuous week of spontaneous vacation.
Am in level 5 now (first semester the CIEF has 5 levels and second semester they add a 6th). Guess that's good although we are doing intensely big kid grammar of which I/every other American present have no knowledge. That is without a doubt the most difficult class.
We also have two classes at the university called Thème and Vérsion which teach translation from French to English and English to French, respectively. The first is so much easier. (Sidenote: at least I'm told by Kassie and Liz. I'm yet to be in attendance which is a huge problem since it means I missed the first session of all the possible choices. Not my fault - I showed up today and no one was there. All the uni kids heard that it was canceled indefinitely. Those of us lowly foreign kids missed that memo.) But Vérsion. my gracious. the degree of development through which my language will go in the next semester has no bounds. At least our section is only translating more modern excerpts - right now The Da Vinci Code. Liz and Kassie have to translate Agatha Christie from English to French. That sucks. These people also learn and speak British English. 40 year old British English to French translation is the devil. Most of our homework time was listening to them say "psh, whaa?? what the hell?? you can't even use that word like that." Subpar for international relations for all countries involved.

Classes are ok once they are all sorted but that's one hell of a goal in itself. Today was one of the most stressful days since getting here - aided greatly by the inexistence of a crucial class - and there were seriously multiple verges of tears until - brace yourself -

So here's how it happened. Had just missed my (nonexistent) Thème class which meant there was none other that fit in my schedule and I would have to rearrange things and talk to people and be that annoying American etc etc etc.
In la Maison de l'Etudiante (commons type, study area) I was walking up to Kassie who was sitting at this table responsibly and quietly working. I was walking pretty fast - it's how I do - and I was carrying stuff. I turned this corner too fast and didn't realize there was a solid wood bench sticking (perilously) out just waiting for me. There is probably no word except "hurtling" to describe my state at that moment. Hurtling. Through the air. Limbs, bags, objects liberated. Run free, little ones! Landed on my stomach. People staring. Polite ones coughing aggressively into their hands, the others (myself and friends included) outrightly looking, laughing, gesturing, no limit to the possibilities. I conversed with Kassie from the floor for a while. "If you do anything with enough confidence, people will buy into it" can be applied to this situation. "Oh tables? You sit at them?? I just use them as a means to get to the floor faster."

It was, as my sister expertly classified it,a "who brought this awkward American?" moment.

Oh man. Good times. Needed a laugh real bad. Thank you, gods of potentially horrible situations.

It's been real. Talk to you all later.
xoxox

past X days - notable:

Halllooo all,
another quick post. computer lab.
in recent news:
Louisa left to return to Germany. How selfish. Our last night was mildly family friendly all at her request which was quite surprising.
The next day, in honor, i went out to the lake where she stayed for the month. Also helped that there was a giant fair for every association in Dijon. Found the Dijon baseball team in order to inquire about a hat for my father. They only have adjustable hats, however, and for a true fan (as i know he will soon become) a fitted hat is the only way to go. Speaking of baseball - Dodgers are number 1 in NL west. From 4 games up to 2 but there's plenty of season left. And boston in 2nd place?? That will never do. So in other words it will be good if they beat LA in the AL West who is up by 21 games!!!??? how does that even happen.

In more frenchy news, I shipped off my computer yesterday but I had to find a box. Mireille didn't have one and told me to buy one. Buy a box??? Who buys a box??? So I walked down the street and went into every store until someone had one that I could have. They were all very nice. Good vocab practice.
The same day, I also carried a older (ok, legit old but really - not like our parents sort of middle age still climbing mountains and biking across europe age) woman's grocery bag for her because she had clearly decided to buy her entire wine, cheese, and rock supply for the next 8 years. She was nice and appreciative and we talked about Canada after she figured out that I was clearly not from her motherland.

Other than that, this week we don't have classes (surprise!! no, seriously) so we are all desperately looking for things to do. The other day Liz and I got on a different bus line and rode to the end. No great inspiration.
Today we are seeking out an orchard also accesible (supposedly) by bus. The key prerequisite. Also because we bought our year bus passes yesterday and that was a serious pile of cash to hand over in one go so I may or may not buy a tent and live accordingly. If Mireille is looking for me, I'm starting on the 1 line and increasing numerically.

blue sky poking out. Out of here.